To Love An Artist

I am much better written than spoken.

I was never confident with expressing myself…

I love you.

always will.

A queen never forgets her king.

Sometimes I get angry,

restless, and hapless. -Ready to thrash in my sheets.

Relentlessly digging through my heart trying to figure it all out.

John Legend on NYE

That would have been your Christmas present. That’s where we would have been on New Years Eve.

I smelled you on my sheets today.

There are these long runs where I feel completely okay. I know something is missing but I can carry on just fine.

Then just when I am crossing a street a bus will hit me and I’m seriously fucked no matter what I am on my way to do at the time.

I’m never going to stop loving you. Ever.

But throwing myself into an extremely vulnerable position has been the best thing I could ever do for myself. I need to stand on my own two feet.

You aren’t going to be with me forever. You made sure to remind me of that.

Its been too long for your smell to still be in my sheets, but I cherished what my mind created anyway.

Then I got out of bed and started my day.

Pendulum

Swinging back and fourth between being a free bird who sees only horizon

-and simply missing the ground.

…if you read from now to June 8, 2010 (and maybe even before)…

you’ll see how and why I became a muse.

Today a beautiful love story ended…

There’s nothing I want more in this world than to just show up at his front door and tell him I was wrong.

I was getting so caught up in standing around doing nothing that I had to make a decision to do something or else I was going to lose my mind.

Instead I made the conscious decision to let something I’ve adoringly become accustomed to slip through my fingers.